We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize