he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
