no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
