It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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