FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize