there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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