I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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