you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
