well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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