i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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