Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
