WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she pinky promised me she was 18
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize