Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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