I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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