At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
