The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
