I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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