i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
