haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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