Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize