I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
