We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
