I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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