Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
