Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize