I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
