i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
