so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
