I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
