I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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