I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm too high and old for this...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize