I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
