Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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