you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize