I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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