Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
