I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
