in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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