I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
