New invention idea: vibrating tampons
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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