At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
