She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize