I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
