Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She even gives head with a lisp.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
