We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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