That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
