When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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