....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
