I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
