I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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