I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
