tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
