At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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