This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
