I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
