Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
