8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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