Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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