The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
