So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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