why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
