I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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