Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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