Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
