One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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