just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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