im about as happy as oj after his trial
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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