Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
