This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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