My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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