The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
