So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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