Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we should paint friendship bongs
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