after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
