I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
