Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
