I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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