She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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