I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
