I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
