If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
