don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
