Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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