i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
