tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
