I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
