I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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