Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize