If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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