Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
