I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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