Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
