Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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