whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
